Dear Perfectionist Blogger,
At the end of 2018, I stopped trying to create the “perfect” blog. The blog with only beautiful, well-lit photos; content planned out weeks in advance; every post search engine optimized and refined to the T. Instead, I started writing spontaneous, imperfect posts more frequently.
It was a fantastic decision.
The messiness bothered my perfectionist self. I itched to go back and add beautiful cover images to my posts, edit typos, and fix SEO. But I resisted. Now, after a week away in the mountains spent reading, dreaming, and reflecting, I feel rejuvenated.
I think back to when I first started reading blogs.
A friend recommended foodgawker to satisfy my baking obsession, and I found my first blog to follow through a recipe for baked oatmeal. This was back in 2013/2014, before everyone and his dog had a blog.
There were fewer blogs back then, and they were less perfectionist and less “branded.” Even bloggers with partnerships and sponsorships still frequently wrote everyday life posts. They experimented with topics or post series and then gave them up. They posted ugly pictures. Not every part of life was edited to perfection for the blog.
I enjoyed reading those posts, more than recipes, particularly bloggers to whom I could relate. I didn’t feel as if I could relate to many people in my life at that point in time. I was struggling with my faith, mental illness, and chronic physical illness, while juggling college, work, and my first serious relationship.
I felt like most of my friends and fellow students lived in the typical liberal arts student bubble. Most were not religious, did not have chronic illnesses, did not take school seriously, and were not in serious relationships. Many did not work to pay off school, either. I felt like they did not have the same weight on their shoulders as I did–especially after I lost a friend in a car crash and the following year, when a close relative was diagnosed with terminal cancer.
So these bloggers who were being authentic and putting their lives and struggles out there–I connected with them. I connected with a girl suffering from various gastrointestinal diseases, before being diagnosed with my own. As I considered options for my future, I connected with a girl who chose to be a stay-at-home wife after marriage. I connected with girls who married young. With girls who had eating disorders, as I came to terms with my own.
It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that the people I met through the blogging world, changed the course of my life.
They showed me that there were different ways to live and be fulfilled than what I’d been exposed to before. And they showed me that it was okay to be honest and vulnerable about your struggles–that vulnerability is what allows us to form deep and fulfilling relationships, or on the flip side, to determine which relationships are not right for us.
Nowadays I don’t follow many blogs, mostly just the original ones I followed whose voices haven’t changed over the years. While there are so many new visually appealing and pin-able blogs out there, most of them regurgitate the same tips, tutorials, and recipes. They have no voice of their own.
And what does this have to do with perfectionism?
Well, see, I’d love to be a successful blogger. Who wouldn’t? Why do we pretend that we don’t care about success? That isn’t true. Success and authenticity aren’t incompatible.
But as a recovering perfectionist, I need the authenticity to come first. Otherwise I will grow to hate the “important” things: the design, the SEO, the proofreading. They seem pointless and are easy to obsess over to the point of burnout, if I forget why I blog to being with: to share my life, ideas, experiences, recipes, and so much more. And sometimes those things don’t fit into neat little boxes, so I need room to be a little messy.
I want to keep this promise to myself this time: to not allow the fear of failure to dictate how I live. Unfortunately–if I’m being quite honest–that is why I have my college degree, why I graduated with Latin honors, why my high school resume was so lengthy and why I’ve accomplished many things in my life. Fear of failure. Not love for what I do. I’ve talked with many perfectionist young women like myself who are constantly waffling on the edge of “real life,” post-college. We are all afraid of the same thing: choosing the wrong path and failing. But we have everything to gain and nothing to lose, and only one life to live.
If you’re struggling with perfectionism, whether it’s in blogging or school or relationships or something else, here is permission for you. Go be real and messy and see that the world doesn’t fall to pieces. Stop being afraid of the unknown and wondering what could be.
xx Claire
