It’s been about two months since I traded in my smartphone for a modernized “dumb phone,” which I feel pretty much completes my transition to a lower-tech lifestyle for the moment. I won’t be getting rid of my laptop anytime soon—as I need it to navigate school work and communication for my older two—and I still have a Facebook profile, in order to post/browse our local Buy Nothing group and communicate with a few faraway friends and family members. But I’ve eliminated all other social media and screens–some simply by virtue of not having a phone with apps anymore (PixelFed and the social-y portion of Substack come to mind).
Overall, my life without a smartphone has been, well, great! I am not contemplating going back. However, there are a few effects of life without a smartphone that I didn’t anticipate.
#1 (More) Hobbies Are a Must
Prior to ditching my smartphone, I thought that I spent a lot of my free time reading, writing, baking, gardening and generally being outdoors. I didn’t expect to have so much more free time after the transition, and quickly I became… bored.
I realized that when I had a smartphone I “indulged” a lot of my interests by reading (well, scrolling) online about them. But it’s impractical to lie in bed sideways with your laptop scrolling (that really makes it feel like an addiction, lol). It was time to stop “researching” and start doing.
I’ve dipped my toes into the world of bread baking again, something I used to do in high school. I started needle felting to make Waldorf-ish birthday crowns for the kids. I’ve re-read favorite books, pulled out the Little Oak Learning curriculum I bought for the kids ages ago but never finished assembling, decluttered our toys and bookshelves once again, and I’m currently deep cleaning the kitchen shelf-by-shelf.
There really is so much time in the day without the Internet, which is surprising and somewhat overwhelming at first.
#2 Some Relationships Don’t Actually Exist Offline
When your only ways to communicate with someone become directly emailing, texting, or Facebook messaging–you realize pretty quickly that some relationships are not actually “real.” You might know a lot about someone else from social media, or them spamming a group message with pictures of their life every so often, but once offline, that relationship is not something meaningful. Leaving WhatsApp (which does not work on the Light Phone) has especially hammered that home.
Getting offline has made me more aware of one-sided relationships; the kind where people love to share everything about their own lives, but are not curious about mine. That’s for the better, but it is a bit like ripping a bandaid off.
#3 I Still Wish I Was Less Connected
Yes, after everything… I still wish it was possible to be more disconnected. I realized that I was really hoping I’d lose the feeling of being “on call” by simplifying my phone and social media accounts. There are fewer calls, but there are still calls. That’s just how the world works now. There will always be emails from the teacher, messages to set up playdates, photos shared from family gatherings, and digital distractions available for those who go looking. This a way we engage with community, for better or for worse.
Getting rid of feeling “on call” was actually about setting and holding boundaries, not tossing my phone in the trash. My new phone makes that easier but still not easy. I need to tell myself more than anyone else that I don’t need to respond to a message instantly—as long as it’s not urgent, it can wait until a convenient time. It can wait until tomorrow morning. The people in my home are the ones who need attention right now.
And also? I need my own attention. I can’t check messages at all hours of the day for my own sanity. If I don’t respond for months, that’s obviously not okay. But waiting hours or even a day or two (if I need to think about a response) is not rude. It won’t offend anyone… and if it does, we need to have a chat. Long live slow communication.
All In All…
I’ve been thinking a lot about the place that digital life has in my own existence–even more since I did away with my smartphone. The truth is, our brains weren’t wired for constant connection and communication; that is, with people who aren’t around us IRL. Yet it’s somewhat of a necessary evil. Whether you’re studying in school, have children, work an office job, or simply have faraway friends and family, you need to be online sometimes.
Hindsight is 20/20, I guess, but I didn’t realize how good I had it before I got my first cellphone with texting (a Samsung Juke, because I’m old lol) in 2008!
How do we reconcile our evolutionary past–which I feel primes us to selectively focus on threats/bad news, be on the stressed-out alert for new messages to stay connected to our “tribe,” and get sucked into the scrolling/dopamine-seeking cycle–with the fact that much of modern life requires the Internet to function?
Wish I had more answers, but I am just over here figuring it out like all of us.
xx Claire