Hello, friends. No, I haven’t fallen off the face of the planet. Nor am I pregnant, sick (well, I have a head cold at the moment but that isn’t the reason I haven’t been blogging), or shutting down the blog.
It’s just kind of been one thing after the other since the end of March. We had a packed spring break with playdates, doctor’s appointments and the general chaos of four kids at home for a week. Then K, C, and I started a new toddler-and-me class, Eric’s parents came to visit and suddenly it was Easter. Now we’re staring down the end of the school year–so many festivities!–and summer camps, more holidays and family birthdays, and getting our garden up and running.
This weekend the kids have been under the weather. So while I had grand plans to knock out a bunch of computer work at the library and get some more blog content planned and prepped, that simply didn’t happen. We grabbed groceries, made quick trips to the garden store and library, plugged away at housecleaning and otherwise relaxed.
Some Thoughts on Being Busy
Before I had kids, and even during the pandemic, I wished I was busy. Having two kids 18 months apart during lockdown was easy in that sense. We had nowhere to go and no one to see. It was mentally grueling, but that’s a topic for another time.
But even prior to having our first, I so wished I was busier. I wanted a career that moved at breakneck speed, a packed social calendar and time-consuming hobbies. I thought I would feel important, needed and like I was achieving things in life if I was busy. I thought being busy in the external sense, driving here and there, seeing many people each day, was the ultimate goal.
My priorities have shifted since the pandemic has ended and our family has grown +2. Now I often wish I had more time. Not even time alone but time with just our immediate family, without this nagging feeling that we’re “missing out” if we don’t accept every invitation or attend every event or play every sport.
And we don’t, for the record. But I worry a lot that saying no will cost my kids in the long run–socially, academically, resume-ly (that’s not a word but you understand my point), even in their faith as we aren’t churchgoers at the moment. Christianity is complicated in the US right now.
I lived that busy life as a child and teenager so I think partly, it’s just what I’m used to. Deep down I feel like that’s a normal childhood and that’s what I should be providing for my kids too. But I also know it didn’t work for me, as a kid or as a young adult trying to adjust to the real world. It’s as much that I need a mindset shift as that I need to simplify our schedule.
I have this intrusive thought sometimes that I want to leave it all, pack up and move to the Swedish backwoods (with our family). Some place I can own a milk cow, drink water straight from the lake and watch my kids run without limit. Of course I know we’d be lonely and find fault in the homogeneity of Nordic societies as well. No place on earth is perfect, and I don’t actually want to leave our family and little blue house here–maybe for a long summer vacation, maybe far in the future, but not in any real five-year plan.
There is a balance between the two that we have yet to find as a family. A balance that will inevitably shift over time as kids become more independent and our priorities change to reflect who we are in each phase of life.
All this to say, it’s hard to write when I feel like my head is in a thousand places! Maybe you can relate to some or any of this. I hope your spring (or autumn, down under) is off to a lovely start, and may we all gain some clarity and peace in this new season.
xx Claire